I notice as the weather comes colder and darker my mood worsens. I doesn’t help that it’s this month is the anniversary for our baby Kayla’s passing. I know she is in a better place however I’m not so missing her still hurts despite all the years passed. I often feel I failed her by not being able to carry her to full term. I know the doctors failed her by not diagnosing my infection in time to stop labour but I often feel I am the failure for not pushing at them to see why I was bleeding. The moments of that night still haunt me. I still cry and my arms still ache to hold her.